RiN's 夢 の 森

Ah geez.. i dunno how it could turn out like this myself but,,

somehow i have to join 4 competitions in a row next month???! *WTH?!*

Well, it was my own fault.. but, hey, please, how could i know it'd turn out like this?

i dun understand how come my school doesn't consider about my condition..

at first, i only planned to join P***A competition in certain public university.. and it's already taken most of my time to do all of those scientific research and scientific reports! i dun even hav a proper vacation to complete it! could u belive that? even though it was really rare 4 my school to giv vacation for their students..
*ifeellikeiwannacry*

ok,, it was the beginning of my endless suffering this last 2 months.. then,, here it comes, d 2nd competition.. i was chosen by my english debating coach to join the A**A english debating competition which is claimed as the most prestigious english competition in my country.. <<< and i agreed coz i still had time to prepare it..

the 3rd competition,, suddenly my name popped up on the school announcement board!!! my teacher chose me to join the economy national competition.. *WHAT??* but i couldn't say anything against it.. my name has already been written on d wall, so it's useless to protest now.. aaaaaaaaa i really want to scream.. i dunno whether i was happy or stress anymore. but, ofc i do feel proud at d same time..

and d last one.. last year (actually a few months ago) i was asked by the teacher of my schoolto take the preliminary test for ISDC in diknas.. i agreed. coz it has passed for quite a long time, i thought i was failed on d 2nd round. but again, suddenly a letter was given to me and they said i was chosen as my region's representative in ISDC!! i couldn't believe it myself.. i mean, i only started to debate a few months ago.. so how come i was chosen a my region's representative among many other students.. i also got 2 other teammates. when i met them today, i really got a mental breakdown.. i feel like i was a burden for both of them.. i think i should practice more 4 my english starting from now..

that's why i volunteered myself to join the debating competition on 1-3rd april.. i hope my body will last until the end of this april.. i couldn't get sick after being forced to involve with this so many competitions.. NOOOOOO

Ok,, I want to tell one of my totally embarrassing story. Last Saturday, one of my friend, Olga, enrolled me and my other 2 friends (acul and kacank) to join a cooking contest. *WTH???!* Well, it's not like i dun want to join the competition, but i just fell it doesn't sounds right. I can cook some simple dishes, but i dun have any confidence to join a competition. However, she has already written my name there, so i dun hav any choice other join the competition.

Finally, when we arrived there, we saw so many talented people gathered around and prepared to cook many unbelievable meals. I've felt I was in a wrong place, but I just kept silent and hoped that 3 of my friends could cook well, coz honestly, i've dun believe in my own cooking skill. We even hav to make a traditional dish from my country. *i've never cooked sumthin like that b4*

The worst thing i've imagined really came true. Neither me nor my other friends could cook really well. I even have to cook other dishes! We got spare raw materials, and we made a 'random' recipe based on the spare material we have.. *it's really depressing..* We couldn't finish our dishes properly. "It's not even worthed to try!!!" said one of my friends. The dish was totally messed up. It supposedly to be burnt on a raging fire *what's that?!* The dish isn't increasing your appetite at all. I was so ashamed when I saw other team's finished dishes. They were totally gorgeous and looks delicious. Farrrr way different from ours. Our team even attracted many people because of our actions. Man, I really wanted to dig a deep hole on the ground and hide in it!

When the judge came around to try every team's dish, i don't brave enough to show myself in front of them. I was trying to calm myself down at the time. I thought I could explode like a bomb. My 'sadistic' side almost appeared and I tried really hard to press it. I dun want to ruin my team's mood that was really happy about the contest. Well, i admit the contest was fun because we were able to cook happily, but i couldn't stand being in such a huge crowd and became a centre of attention because of our dish. *I wanted to scream and relieve my stress..*

Pardon me my friends.. TTxTT

Ok,, untuk pertama kalinya saia akan nge-post dlm bhs ibu saia tertjinta,, Indonesia *slapped*

Udah lama banget ga nge-post sesuatu di blog ini, ada macem2 alasan sih, sibuk sekolah, sibuk ngerjain tugas, males buka komputer, de-el-el..

Sekarang, gw lg bingung banget.. Dunia itu memang aneh bin ajaib, ga bisa ditebak, sempit, dan masih banyak ungkapan klise lainnya. Dan gw baru bener2 merasakan arti dari ungkapan2 itu akhir2 ini..

Seperti yang kalian semua tahu, gw sekolah di sekolah cewe semua yang mungkin dah kalian semua tahu namanya, ***** Akhir2 ini, gw dh bingung dan ga bisa membedakan lagi apa yang bener dan apa yang salah.

Pertama kali masuk ke sekolah itu, ada perasaan takut, penasaran, seneng, bangga, dan banyak lagi perasaan lagi yang nyampur jadi satu. Awalnya gw memang merasa terpaksa masuk sekolah itu, tapi ternyata setelah gw jalanin, gw bisa menikmati masa SMA gw.

Di sekolah itu juga gw bisa ketemu dengan macam2 tipe orang yang mungkin ga bakal ditemui kalau gw sekolah di sekolah heterogen. Ga bakal ada orang yang nyangka kalau masalah-masalah yang dihadapi di sekolah gw ini bisa sangat bervariasi bahkan melebihi dari masalah-masalah remaja di sekolah lain pada umumnya. Gw jadi bener2 ngerti kalau sesuatu yang bagus itu belum tentu sebagus kelihatannya.

Dengan masuk sekolah ini juga, gw bisa mulai melihat kalau semua orang punya berbagai masalah masing2. Jadi, kita ga blh merasa bhwa masalah kita adalah masalah terberat dan kita adalh orang yg plg malang di dunia ini. *maaf agk2 nyindir seseorang di bagian ini*

Sekarang, ayo ke inti masalah gw sekarang. Sebenarnya masalah yg gw hadapi sekarang itu banyak bgt *meski ga seluruhnya masalah pribadi gw*, tp yg bener2 jd perhatian gw sekarang adalah realita yang tidak bisa dipungkiri di sekolah gw sendiri. Gw aja ga percaya sampai bener2 melihat dan mendengar sendiri. Gw memang tahu kalau di setiap sekolah homogen pasti akan ada rumor tentang pasangan 'gay' or 'lesbian', tp gw ga prnh mimpi kalau di sekolah gw sendiri ternyata jg ada yg sperti itu. Dan bdohnya, gw baru soal gosip itu waktu kls XI.

Mungkin karena pengaruh rumor atau apapun juga, sekarang gw jadi ga tahu lagi 'batas-batas' normal antara sahabat dekat dan 'couple'. Mungkin ini memang bukan masalah gw sih, tapi akhr2 ini gw jd sk mikirin aja. Apakah dengan sekolah di sekolah homogen memberikan qt ke kecendrungan orientasi 'suka' yang salah?? Gw udah ga ngerti isi pikiran orang lain tentang definisi 'persahabatan' atau rasa 'suka' dalam otak mereka. Apa ini juga ada hubungan dengan kondisi jiwa, psikologis, atau pola pikir seseorang? Atau memang pada dasarnya semua orang punya 'bakat' untuk 'menyimpang'?

Gw memang ga bs mengerti dengan apa yg dimaksud dengan 'emosi' sampai sekarang. Mungkin ini dipengaruhi oleh pribadi gw yg terlalu cuek, gw yg bebal, atau emang gw sendiri mengalami kelainan. Gw ga bs ngerti kenapa orang2 bs sampai stress, merasa bersalah, pusing, atau apapun yg mereka rasain saat dilanda masalah atau kebingungan.

Tapi gw jg bingung, gmn cara untuk membantu temen2 gw.. Gw ga bs memberikan meraka saran atau solusi yang baik krn gw ga pernah berada di posisi yg sama dengan mereka, atau setidaknya, mengerti perasaan mereka. Jadi apa yang harusnya gw lakuin??? *bingung*

Ada yang tahu jawabannya?